How to Connect with People

I like energy.  I like being around people who have calm energy.  I don't like hyper and jittery.  I like in-control, confident energy.  If you like to watch people, you know what I mean.  When people connect with their friends and finish each other's sentences, we say they are on the same wave length and are in sync.  Our energy transmits thoughts and feelings without words being spoken.  That is why we put so much stock into hunches and gut feelings. That's why people say to trust your instincts.  

Energy is a powerful force.  It is a force that should be managed.  This is why people sit in Starbucks focused on their computer or listening to an iPod zoning out the rest of the world but surrounded by people.  If they wanted peace and quiet, the coffee shop would not be the place to go, but they do it for the energy.  They don't want people talking to them, but they want to be around people.  Why? They feed off of the energy and vibes that other people put off.  Most people have never thought about energy this way. You can manage your energy and that of others.  Do you know someone that lights up a room the moment they walk in?  Or perhaps one person's presence can alter the mood of a room, meeting, or conference?  That is managing energy.  Those who aren't in tune with this energy simply subconsciously acquiesce to the dominating force whether it is good or bad.  Leaders and champions set the tone; they manage the energy.

Here are 3 ways to manage your energy and that of others:

1.  Posture.  Be cognizant of your posture. Hold your head up and your shoulders back.  Don't slouch when you sit.  Be appropriate naturally.  Throw rigidity out. Move at a measured but sure pace and with purpose.  Remain calm and in control regardless of what happens.  Don't panic.  Don't raise your voice.  Resist the urge to get upset.  Respond - don't react.  Remember, it's not what happens; it's how you handle it.  How you handle it creates positive or negative energy.  All movement creates positive or negative energy based on the type and volume of movement so posture, pace, tone, and self-control of emotions all directly impact the energy you project.  The energy you project makes things better or worse in everything you do.  It makes people naturally gravitate to you or naturally repels them.  

2.  Thoughts.  While you are maintaining external composure, you should project your thoughts externally.  Our thoughts are like a projection screen. They behave like radio waves.  Just like music is piped through radios around the world through waves that we cannot see, so our thoughts are transmitted one to another.  This is why you can think of someone you haven't seen in years and within a couple days, they call.  The thought waves travelled to wherever they were.  Or perhaps with someone to whom you are closer, you get ready to text or call them only to receive a call or text from them at the same time.  How many times have you said, "I was just getting ready to call you!" or "I was just thinking about you!"?  Thought is energy and it should be managed.  The moral is to only think about what you want to happen.  That's why focusing on the negative and focusing on what you don't want to happen is disastrous, but it explains why so many people lead the lives they do.  They believe no one knows what they think, but they don't realize that their life is a mirror of their thoughts.

3.  Personality.  Be interesting.  People are not interested in a boring person.  You do not have to have amazing charisma or be an orator to manage energy.  You have to be confident in who you are.  If you aren't, decide what it would take for you to be proud of yourself and confident in who you are (education, financial, giving, legacy, status, etc.).  Confidence is the source from which amazing energy is transmitted.  It's not arrogance; it is being comfortable and proud of who you are and what you represent - your belief system.  Confidence is not a have and have-not issue.  

A secret to managing other people's energy is to be interested in them.  Listen to them.  Be present in the conversation.  Live in the now.  It is irritating when you're talking with someone standing right in front of you and they aren't there.  Their mind is somewhere else altogether.  Pay attention to people.  Compliment them.  Look for the good.  Do not live as an island unto yourself.  Meet new people - not for what they can do for you, but just as a genuine interest in them.  Seek first to add value by sharing friendship.  Everyone needs a smile.  Everyone needs a hug.  Depending on what's appropriate, you can meet that need and thus facilitate the transfer of energy and that is the basis of what makes people connect.  When energies meet, chemistry occurs.  Sometimes it makes music; other times it is combustible.  As with all chemistry, the interaction of elements create different levels of connection - some are stronger than others, but the science is the same.  Alter your energy and you alter the chemistry when mixed with even the same energy of other people.